We see what we want

We shall see how she responds. I am not hopeful. I understand it is a summer job but the knowledge and experience I offer I deserve more than I am getting. But mostly because I make just as much as the other seasonal people I find jobs and tasks for. My ability to respond to questions and walkie calls when others don’t have the answers. I’ve given myself the excuse that it was a seasonal job and let others take the lead, but now that Polly is gone and they aren’t replacing her. I’ve spent the last 4 summers and this is the 5th, I am tired of working beyond my pay grade. If I am going to put up with what I have to I might as well get payed for it. If not I would rather move on to find a job that pays me what I am worth even if it’s a step down. At least I would be learning something new and possibly be much happier. I am preparing myself mentally to walk away. not fun but necessary. know anyone who’s hiring?

I miss you Polly. This job is the worst now that you are gone after this season I’m done. The only reason I’m still here is cause of Bob and I’d have to find 2 pt jobs to cover the little money I make here. It sucks that I keep having to remind myself that it’s money

I hate the studio buzz. I don’t know what else to call it. It’s bad when I leave the studio after 11. Being dead tired but my mind is still going and it takes time to wind down before I can actually fall asleep. tonight I left at 12:30am It sucks

It’s been nice having my computer at the studio. These little tumblr/pinterest breaks are relaxing. Though I wouldn’t make a habit of having it here. It’s distracting enough having limited access on my phone. I’m tired. I have been here since 8:30am it’s now 12:44am. I fired my kiln today. It went well I may have missed body reduction. Next time I will put a lot more cones in my cone packs. The pyrometer was about 200 degrees off. Thank goodness I checked the cones I had when I did. Nine was down and ten was soft top and bottom. At least the glazes had a chance to mature at temp. We shall see.

I have also been working on my resume, Curriculum Vitae, Powerpoint of my work. Added a video of me stringing my last installation. Had a crash course in Imovie and got some help from my friend Catt with adding music to it. Revised my artist statement, working on a 1 year plan for after graduation. Having a real hard time with it cause I am not sure what I want or where. Just helped Sarah with an “Art Student” interview it was good not sure if anything made sense. 

Still have a lot to do for my Senior seminar class which is all due tuesday. 5 yr budget, revise my personal assessment, find an artist to interview, I want to try to change some things on my website, finalize and print a business card.

I don’t know why I am writing this. Partly I think to take a break and push things off. Venting also I think. I feel like all I do is work at the studio. I think this past week I have gone home before 9pm once or twice the rest it’s after midnight. I’m tired. I am also trying to decide to go back to campus or tough it out a little longer.

Tomorrow they unload the wood kiln on campus. I am excited I have a few vases and bottles and a small bowl in it. 

I can’t forget my table I have to make for furniture but senior seminar comes first. 

I hope all of you are having a better time. It’s not that I don’t love making my work but “school” actually seems to hinder as much as it helps. also Haven’t eaten anything save a few handfuls of cheeze-its. 

Also the lights keep going out because I am sitting at my table and barely moving. wow sorry this is long.

Oh and to add I had to tell my Dad that I am not coming home for Christmas. I won’t go into feelings. So got some stuff is going on.  

So Christmas is tomorrow. Well sort of. The wood kiln opens tomorrow. Roughly 1000 pots/ sculptures. I have about 20-25 pieces in there. I’m excited. I’m tired waiting on laundry. I also got some video of me installing a new piece. I want to film more of it. I’ll try to post some of it soon. It’s weird filming myself but cool to see the progress. Have a good night. Going to watch some Netflix while I wait for my sheets to dry.

Last night of having the apartment to myself. :( I could get used to it. Just walking to and from the bathroom in my underwear is something I have missed horribly.  

I think my day today was the definition of happenstance. I don’t even know how to describe it. The gist of the day went like this. Had a flat tire with a screw in it. Got it to a tire place that was open. Dropped it off and walked to get food. Get in line and just after that this guy Michael walks in. I met him awhile ago we run into each other randomly, we’ve talked and texted but nothing has really come of it for some reason or another. We talked while in line. It was nice, honestly I’ve been wondering about him and if we’d run into each other again. We’ve started texting again and he wants to hangout. We’ll see where it goes. Also it only cost $15.50 to get my tire patched it only to them a few hours to get to it and less than 20minutes to fix it.  

It was a long one. I got 3 of 4 panels/tiles drilled 2 smaller just over 1,000 holes a piece and 1 larger with 1,300 some holes. Four more porcelain bowls thrown, trimmed a few others. 

I need to fire this week. I hope I get the kilns I need. I have to miss kiln sign up because of my tattoo appointment hopefully I can get some one to grab the ones I want

Thought about what I could be for halloween. It has to require a beard. I was thinking lumberjack or Grizzly Adams all I would need to find is a bear or bear cub. I have the rest of the outfit. I am open to suggestions so long as it’s not expensive to pull together. 

I found a really wet twenty dollar bill on my walk back from the parking lot. I hope it’s legit . It’ll cover 2 parking tickets!!! of which I have seven. 

I need a shower and bed. Good night all

Other notes from running tonight.

My slower long distance is getting better.

That guy had a flashing light on his shorts. Smart, I want one. Cool shorts too.

Move to the side of the path when fixing your music. Sorry girls. 

I still love all out sprints with walking in between. feels so good to go fast. tiring though. 

Now to shower and bake those cookies. 

“Are you sure? Life goes on.

You are still you. I still love you.”  

Dad, I can’t begin to express my love. I love you. Happy Father’s day!

Today has been ruined. Now to sulk and do homework so I can get the fuck out of here when summer comes.